Very Last Moment In Time

Time stops for no one and moves on unaware
It’s easy not to notice
It’s easy not to care
Conversation circles
There’s money changing hands
I’ve been standing in the middle
I’ve been caught up in the spin
But out of the confusion
The static and the noise you got my attention
And made me wanna live

[Chorus:]
Live like it’s the last moon rising
Scream just like no one’s there
Lose all of my defenses
Hold you touch you love, you like it’s
The very last moment in time

It seems like I woke up beneath a different sky
And I’m drunk on what I’m seeing through these open eyes
All the little ways you move me
All the places you expose
The illusion I held on to
You’ve got me letting go

I just wanna stay here soaking up the rain
Falling all around me wash the world away

[Chorus]

Let me feel you next to me
Let me taste the breath you breathe
Open up the space between us

[Chorus]

I miss you.  I miss our jokes, I miss your laugh.  I miss the time when all I had to do was call, and you were there.  I miss spending time with you.

You’ve changed, and I don’t like what he’s made you into.  But it’s your life, your choice.

I can’t help but feel like my heart is breaking when I remember what you said back in September.  You promised me that if ever you had to choose, I would win.  That I would always be the person who came first in your life, the same as you were in mine.  We declared each other sisters, and loved each other as sisters.  But I guess you lied.

I guess you’d rather be with a guy who hits you and screams at you and belittles you than to be free.  And I’ve come to accept that.   Because I have to live my life for me.

Goodbye,

I love you.

I have such bad issues when it comes to trusting people because of things in my past, that I test people to see if they really care.

I push them away slightly to see their reaction.  Do they turn and flee, or do they stand by my side. 

It doesn’t matter how many times they’ve passed my tests, I continue to test them.  And it’s not because I worry that they aren’t trustworthy.  It’s because I feel insecure in my abilities to be a good friend. 

It’s funny how stuff like this just comes to you.  It makes me wonder how long have I been doing this? 

But more importantly, how do I stop?

Let’s be honest, at the beginning, the thought of writing a blog didn’t thrill me.  I struggled to think of things to write, and worried that my topics were dull, and I was discouraged by the lack of interest in my blog. 

I believe it was March when my blog became something more than just something I had to do for class, it’s now something I want to do, and sometimes feel that I need to do.

So, thank you Mr.Cvetich for introducing me to the world of blogging.

I will be posting on this blog until the end of the school year, and I will end with my 100th post.  Then, I will be done with this blog.  It’s been fun, it really has, but I want to start anew.  I will be putting up a new blog with the things that really matter to me, stuff that I never got around to posting here.  The main reason I’m starting a new blog?  I do not want my real name on the internet.  It makes me uncomfortable.  So, on the last day of school, I will be shutting down the Fantastical Life.  But, don’t mourn for the loss, celebrate the birth of a new, even better blog.  I hope you guys will check it out. 

Much love,
Caitlyn

Why did you let them in?  They promised I’d be safe and they lied!  They LIED!  Who?  The doctors?  Yes, the doctors lied to me.  And I hate-

Shhhh.  Don’t yell.  No, no.  Don’t yell.  They’re listening, always listening.  What do they tell me?  Be bad, be bad.  But I, I, I want to be good.

Get out!

Sorry, so sorry.  Didn’t mean to yell.  No yelling.  None.  They’ll hear you.

Why?  Why did you let them in?  Why do you hate me?  Why are you doing this to me?

Shhhh.  Shhh.  Someone’s coming.  Coming this way.  I hear them…coming.  I”m not crazy.

I’m not crazy!!

The boy and his family were at the beach, and his 4 year old sister went missing.  The family was looking for her, when the boy saw a man trying to get the little girl into his van.  The boy ran at the man, and started attacking the man.

Both kids are ok, and the boy is now a hero.  Not only did the boy save his sister, in his attack he was able to scrape of some skin belonging to the man, so the authorities now have the abductors’ DNA.

This kid is my hero.

Don’t get me wrong, a 3 day weekend is always great, but for heaven’s sake, everyone’s gone.  I have nothing to do.  I mean, yeah, maybe I should be working on school stuff, but I’m not. 

So, basically I’m just posting this because WordPress amuses me, and I need a distraction from my boredom. 

I’ll see ya’ll later.

Much love,
Caitlyn

Oh, by the way, I love how on WordPress.com, the word “WordPress” comes up as a spelling error. 

These lyrics are from the song “Average Girl” by Emily Osment.  I purchased this song off of iTunes for my sister, and thought I’d take a listen to it, and can I just say, these words really struck a chord with me. 

I have never been a girl who was comfortable with the way she looks.  I have been overweight my entire life, and for some reason (I blame the media) I always associated being overweight with being ugly.  But when I saw other overweight people, I never thought they were ugly, it was only me.  I was the only ugly one.

I am the girl who finds beauty in everything, in everyone.  But I never saw the beauty in myself.

That is, until I met a boy who constantly tells me how beautiful I am.  And for some reason, when he tells me I’m beautiful, I believe him.  I look in the mirror, and I like what I see for the first time in my life.  I no longer wear makeup, because I now know that I really don’t need it.  Because I am beautiful.

I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t have my bad days.  Like the lyrics say, I really do see myself as an average girl.  I know that there are far more beautiful girls than I am, and I worry that maybe I’m not beautiful enough, smart enough, funny enough, kind enough, for him.  I worry that that girl, the one with Angelina lips and double zero jeans, will cross his path, and take him.  And as much as I hate to think about it, I still worry that she’s coming, and I’m going to lose him.

A – AVAILABLE?:  If you mean am I single, then yes.

B – BEST/FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?:  Umm, I don’t like any sports, but I guess hockey’s ok.

C – CRUSH?  Hahahahahahahaha, not telling.

D – DOGS NAME?:  I don’t have one anymore, but his name was Bear.  <3

E – EASIEST PERSON(s) TO TALK TO?:  Ashley, definitely easy to talk to about anything. 

F – FAV. COLOR?:  Green/blue

G – GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS?:  Gummy worms all the way
 
H – HOMETOWN?:  Not posting on internet. 

I – INSTRUMENT?:  I play guitar… kind of. 

J – JUICE?:  Peach cocktail.  Yummy!

K – KIND OF MUSIC?:  Pop/rock mix and show tunes, but I like ny kind of music

L – LONGEST CAR RIDE?:  6 hours up to the cottage.

M – MILK FLAVOR?:  Chocolate.

N – NUMBER OF SIBLINGS?:  2

O – ONE WISH?:  I wish I could find someone who really sees me.

P – PHOBIA/FEARS?:  I have Gephyrophobia.    Not fun.

Q – FAVORITE QUOTE?:  “We twist and turn where angels burn, like fallen soldiers we must learn, that once forgotten, twice removed, love will be the death of you” Savage Garden

R – REASON TO SMILE?:  My friends are pretty awesome. 

S – SONG YOU LAST HEARD:  Crystal Ball by P!nk

T- TIME YOU WOKE UP TODAY?:  6:30

U – UNKNOWN FACTS ABOUT ME?:  I am very shy around people I don’t know.

V – VEGETABLE YOU DONT LIKE?:  Carrots.

W – WORST HABIT?:  My potty mouth. 

X – X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD?:  None.

Y – YUMMY FOOD?:  Any kind of salad.

Z – ZODIAC/ASTROLOGY SIGN?:  Libra

Were you just leading me on? 

I feel so stupid for letting you get so close.  I fell for you, hard, maybe too hard.  And I honeslty thought you felt the same.  But no.  You feel nothing for me, nothing more than a strong friendship.  Is that enough?

Maybe I expected too much of you.  But you don’t get it.  I like you.  I really really do.  And, maybe it wouldn’t work out, but why can’t we just try? 

I’ve been pretending that it doesn’t hurt, but it hurts like hell.